Boyfriends and Work Don't Mix

picture from MTV.com

The episode opens with Lauren, Heidi, and Audrina brunching at some fabulous sidewalk café in West L.A. Despite the chic outfits and new locale, The Hills suddenly morphs into a Laguna Beach flashback when Heidi starts talking about her upcoming six-month anniversary with her nightmare of a man-child boyfriend Jordan. Heidi is very excited, as this is her longest relationship EVER! Hmm, I wonder why. OK, I need to ease up on the Heidster a bit. Much to my horror, ever since the genetic disaster known as J. Wahl busted back on to the scene, I've found myself actually starting to like her.

The next day, Heidi is busting her ass at Bolthouse ensconced in an intense game of solitaire when Mr. Brent's angry, nasal bellow/whine indicates her presence is requested in his office. After, oh what three weeks, of paying her dues being at the very bottom of the Bolthouse totem pole, Brent decides Heidi is ready to get out of the office and into the clubs. Heidi is practically walking on air as she leaves Brent's office until she realizes she is scheduled to assume her new duties that Wednesday - on her and Jordans anniversary. As Heidi comes to this realization, the "oh shit" is written all across her face like graffiti on the 110 freeway. She then calls event planner Elodie to tell her the good (and bad) news, apparently suffering from the delusion that she will be able to get the night off.

Meanwhile, Jason waits in his Range Rover for Lauren outside the Hillside Villas like a scary, stalking, psycho. The second he sees her, he jumps out of his car to talk about the fight they'd had at his birthday dinner. Of course he couldn't just call and apologize or send flowers (as Lauren's dad says "flowers mean 'I'm sorry', chocolates mean 'I love you'") like a normal boy, but instead opts to handle the confrontation in the strangest way possible for maximum awkwardness. As Jason gets out of the car he is almost unrecognizable. Someone must have taken him to the groomers because he no longer looks like a dog-faced member of one of those "werewolf" families that perform acrobatic routines with traveling circuses in Mexico. He looks, well, downright clean cut. Alarmingly, Jason is somehow even less attractive in the absence of the Grizzly Adams facial scuzz we have become so accustomed to seeing him sport. Jason stumbles through a quasi-apology while seeming to look everywhere but at his girlfriend. Lauren concludes the conversation by saying "I'm not mad, it just made me sad". Evidently, someone--that means you Miss Conrad--left her balls in her vintage Chloe bag today!

Inside the Teen Vogue office Lisa Love, Blaine, Whitney and new fantastically gay fashion cohort Jay are gearing up for L.A.'s fashion week, where Teen Vogue will be producing a high-profile DKNY Jeans show. Lauren is over at FIDM taking a test. Whitney calls to tell her the exciting news and stresses about all the prep work that is going to be required to pull the fashion show off.

Back at Bolthouse, Jen, Brent's right-hand woman (who looks like fucking Elvira) calls Heidi into her office to brief her on Wednesday night. Heidi tries to negotiate starting on Saturday instead of Wednesday and is immediately shut down by both Brent and Jen. As the show fades out to commercial, Jen is reading Heidi a list of rules and regulations pertaining to working at the clubs that is longer and more complex than a J.Lo rider. Yikes!

The next morning, Jason and Lauren engage in some seriously vomit-inducing cuddling in the kitchen at her apartment. Meanwhile, the Teen Vogue staff is desperate to find Lauren and force Whitney to call and nag her for three minutes until she arrives. When Lauren does arrive-a tragic five minutes late, she is instantly lectured about her tardiness. After doing some fashion show prep work, Lauren returns to Hillside Villas to find Heidi stressing about juggling her anniversary celebration with work, as she has invited Jordan to come to the club so at least they could spend their special day together.

Later that evening at Smashbox Studios all the fashionistas are in a flurry of pre-show activity. Whitney is assigned to directing the dressers and Lauren is tasked with managing the models. Unfortunately, one of the models is MIA and Lauren is tasked with calling the agency nonstop trying to locate her. As it becomes clear that Lauren's calls are to no avail, Gay Jay whispers "If worst comes to worst, Whitney can walk instead" conspiratorially to Lisa Love.

At Heidi and Jordan's anniversary dinner, he presents her with what by all accounts appears to be a pair of earrings. She graciously thanks him and says it has been "a very special six months". It seems like Heidi and Jordan actually might make it through their anniversary without somebody calling the police for a domestic disturbance, but what fun would that be?

Back at Smashbox Studios the model in question, Jessica, still has not arrived and it is determined that Whitney will take her place in the show. Poor Whitney is being pulled, pinned, plucked, polished and prodded like a life-size Barbie as the backstage crew gets her runway ready. Meanwhile, Heidi begins her shift at LAX with Jen and Elodie. Jen is berating some wannabes and trying to handle the overflow crowd, she directs them to talk to Heidi, who has disappeared inside the club to steal a kiss from Jordan. Busted. In the worst timing of all time, the biggest ass monkey to ever appear on The Hills (and that's saying a lot given this cast) materializes in the club at Jordan, Heidi and Brian's table. From what I could ascertain from this drunk fool's (mostly incoherent) rambling, he used to date Heidi. Actually, as Heidi quickly points out, it was one date, singular-not plural. Heidi's correction apparently pisses off the drunken idiot and as he stumbles off to find another target he scoffs "she was good though", implying she is in fact a Heidi Ho. Not exactly something her current boyfriend is too psyched to hear. Arrrg! At this point Jordan explodes all over poor little Heidi.

At Smashbox the time nears for Whitney to strut her stuff down the catwalk which she does beautifully and fiasco-free. Lisa Love and Blaine (who BTW is looking exponentially hotter and more hetero with each passing episode) beam up at her from the audience. After the show, Whitney is showered with accolades. Lauren, quite frankly seems a wee bit jealous, until Blaine kindly acknowledges her hard work too.

Back at LAX Heidi is learning work, inebriated assholes, anniversaries and jealous boyfriends mix about as well as martinis and rollercoasters as Jordan rips into her and says she drives him "insane". Every time Heidi opens her mouth to try to explain the situation, she is silenced by Jordan's demands for her to shut up. She finally says "Happy anniversary, Jordan" as the couple drives off in tense and stony silence.

Tune in next week as The Hills celebrates the holidays and Jason pumps up the volume on his bad boyfriend behavior.

Music Featured in Episode 6: Imogen Heap