Change of Plans

The episode opens with Heidi asking Lauren, who she calls "Vogue Girl", for help with an impromptu styling session in their apartment. Lauren delicately broaches the subject of Heidi's party crashing and her subsequent reaming by Lisa Love and tells Heidi she absolutely cannot crash any more of her work functions to which Heidi responds with a bimboesque giggle.

We then cut to Lauren at the Teen Vogue offices with fellow intern Whitney as they recap the disastrous events of the Hollywood issue party and Heidi's appalling behavior. Lauren tells Whitney how Lisa came over and scolded her, concluding the conversation by telling Lauren "they'd talk about it on Monday" to which Whitney, in what is quite possibly the biggest understatement ever recorded, replies "she's a little scary". A little scary!?! That is like saying Tom Cruise is a little crazy when the guy is clearly out of his mind. Lisa Love is more frightening than a pissed off menopausal Oprah ripping into an innocent author for embellishing his memoirs--and that's a pretty frightening sight. Soon thereafter, the slightly flaming Blaine appears and tells Lauren that Lisa L. wants to see her in her office.

Next up is a scene of Heidi's loser boyfriend Jordan and his roommate Brian (a.k.a. the forgettable male tag along from Episode 1) shooting hoops. The guys are discussing Heidi and Jordan's spat at the Teen Vogue party. Brian asks Jordan if everything is cool between he and Heidi. Jordan tells Brian "We made up" in a tone so smarmy and perverted that I'm tempted to forget watching the rest of the show and head directly to the nearest shower. Then Brian inquires as to whether Jordan has asked Heidi about a threesome with Lauren yet and says, "You are in L.A. now, you have to start asking these kinds of questions." Are you serious? Wow.

The show then cuts back to the Teen Vogue office and you can practically hear the staff screaming "dead intern walking!" as Lauren makes her way to Ms. Love's office of doom. Lauren is reprimanded for her drunken friends behavior and Lisa asks how they got into the party and tells Lauren she wants to hear her side of the story. Though L.C. mumbles through a pretty weak-sauce explanation and admirably protects Whitney by saying she doesn't know how Heidi and company go into the party, I must say I'm impressed. In the face of pure evil like Lisa Love, I would probably just be rendered speechless with terror and vomit all over myself-you go L.C.! Lisa tells Lauren she will be going to New York for fashion week, and ends the meeting with a stern warning for Lauren to behave while she is gone.

While Lauren is busting her ass at Teen Vogue, Heidi is tanning her ass poolside and decides to call receptionist/model/actress/friend Audrina up to find out the 411 for the club scene that night. They decide to head to "new" club LAX (run by Nicole Richie ex DJ AM) and are instantly admitted to the club despite the fact that they are all UNDER 21. Within minutes of entering the club, Heidi is, once again whoring it up, blatantly flirting with apparent PR mogul Brent Bolthouse under the jealous gaze of her boyfriend Jordan. In our first "Aspiring Actor Alert" of the season (it is L.A. after all now people), Brian with that oh-so-articulate vocabulary of his, shares his dream of becoming an actor and details of an upcoming audition with a bored Audrina. Heidi then comes over to the group squealing about the interview she has secured with PR powerhouse Brent Bolthouse. Since it is a school night, Lauren is soon ready to leave and tries to get Heidi to do the same, but Heidi plans on staying until the club closes. As we learned in the first episode, school is not a big priority for Heidikins. An irritated Lauren gets up to leave as the show cuts to commercial with the ritual chord from Black Eyed Peas' "Don't Phunk With My Heart" playing in the background.

The episodes resumes with a bright-eyed-bushy-tailed Lauren trying to rouse the terminally hungover Heidi out of bed for school. As the girls walk across campus, Heidi tells Lauren she is all kinds of ready to ditch her classes to which a frustrated Lauren asks "seriously?" My sentiments exactly L.C.! Its a good thing for Heidi her parents are insanely wealthy because if they werent I'm pretty sure that girl would be heading for a life as a skid row crackwhore.

Viewers are then treated to the delightful sight of Brian and Jordan's apartment, which looks like a squatter's pad and quite frankly the kind of place where one might contract head, body and pubic lice. The horndogs/losers have a mostly indecipherable conversation that seems to be about hooking up Brian with Audrina. Then it's back to FIDM where Heidi (apparently still drunk from the previous nights outing) is stumbling along the campus and calls Audrina to bitch about her rough first day at school.

Later, Lauren meets Heidi in the student lounge where Heidi admits that she couldn't finish out her first day of classes because she got lost on the way to class and "art is really lame". No Heidi, YOU are really lame! OMG, I seriously cannot stand this girl! An exhausted and bewildered Lauren unsuccessfully tries to talk some sense into her misguided roommate before heading off to her internship. Meanwhile, Heidi meets up with Jordan and says she has the feeling that school is just not for her and if she gets the job with Bolthouse she is going to dropout of FIDM. Ever the supportive and encouraging boyfriend, Jordan tells Heidi to quit school, probably for the sole purpose of wanting her to be available to give him blowjob wake up calls. The episode then cuts to commercial once again using the same excerpt from the Blacked Eyed Peas' "Don't Phunk With My Heart"-- AGAIN! WTF MTV, WTF?

The next scene shows Heidi preparing for her interview at Bolthouse as she tells Lauren that if she gets the job she will be taking a permanent leave of absence from school. Heidi defends her position by telling Lauren that she is only going to school to be able to get the kind of job she is interviewing for at Bolthouse so if she gets her dream job, school is just a waste of time. Lauren, looking uncharacteristically rumpled a al Britney Spears complete with smeared eye make-up and greasy hair, drags herself into the Teen Vogue office and vents to Whitney about Heidi, the interview and Heidi's questionable skills as an interviewee as well as her seeming determination to dropout of school.

Heidi shows up at Bolthouse for her interview looking surprisingly cute, capable, and un-slutty. Brent Bolthouse, who looks like a mongaloid Dave Grohl with a mod haircut, asks Heidi why his firm should hire her. Lying with the quickness and comfort of a seasoned politician, Heidi rattles on about how she is a "hard worker" and "won't give up until things are just perfect". Brent tells Heidi he "hates drama and wants as little drama as possible". For a good 30 second span, Heidi simply sits paralyzed, eyes wide open, looking like she may have possibly just crapped her Christian Dior panties before regaining her composure and saying that's a "good thing", as if she isn't Drama Central.

Shortly after the interview, Heidi calls Lauren to tell her she got the job at Bolthouse. I'll start taking bets on how many episodes Heidi lasts at Bolthouse before she is fired for drunkenness, incompetence, laziness or all of the above. Lauren says "Congratulations Heidi" in a voice flatter than champagne that has been sitting around for 6 hours. Heidi rambles on in amazement about how she gets a "salary and a real lunch break" and how she "thinks" she starts on Monday as Lauren listens, barely able to maintain a straight face. A sickened Lauren then hangs up on Heidi softly singing "Fashion School Dropout" and the episode ends with an, as always oblivious Heidi, skipping/sashaying down the street reveling in her own perceived fabulousness.

Tune in next week as Lauren hops a red-eye to NYC, Heidi is faced with a prospect of a real job for the first time in her life and Lauren's scuzzball ex-boyfriend Jason makes a sudden reappearance.